The sex was so good that even the neighbours had a cigarrette !

I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it !

I used to have a handle on life, but it broke !

Don't take life too seriously - you won't get out alive !

Wanted: Meaningful overnight relationship !

You're jealous because the voices only talk to me !

BEER: It's not just for breakfast anymore !

I got a gun for my wife - best trade I ever made !

So, you're a feminist, isn't that cute !

Beauty is in the eye of the beerholder !

Earth is the insane asylum of the universe !

To all you virgins, thanks for nothing !

Earth first...we'll mine the other planets later !

How can I be overdrawn? I still have cheques !

Jesus loves you, everyone else thinks you're an asshole !

I'm just driving this way to annoy the hell out of you !

Out of my mind - back in 5 minutes !

Keep on hooting - I'm reloading !

As long as there are exams, there will be prayer in public schools !

Snatch a kiss, or vice-versa !

I don't have to be dead to donate my organ !

Sometimes I wake up grumpy, other times I let her sleep !

I want to die in my sleep like my Grandfather, not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car !

I said "No" to drugs, but they just wouldn't listen !

The gene pool could use a little chlorine !

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine !

It IS as bad as you think and they ARE out to get you !

Smile! It's the second best thing you can do with your lips !

I took an IQ test and the results were negative !

It's lonely at the top, but you eat better !

Give me ambiguity, or something else !

I know what you're thinking, and you should be ashamed of yourself !

Elvis is dead, and I'm not feeling too good myself !

We are born naked, wet, cold and hungry and then it gets worse !

A dirty mind is a terrible thing to waste !

Always remember - You're unique! Just like everyone else !

The Lottery - a tax on people who are bad at maths !

Very funny Scotty - now beam down my clothes !

Consciousness - that annoying time between naps !

There are 3 kinds of people: Those who can count and those who can't !

Ever stop to think and forget to start again ?

Diplomacy is the art of saying "Nice doggy"...until you can find a rock !

2+2=5 for extremely large values of 2

Sex on television can't hurt ! Unless you fall off !

"Good Morning!" If indeed it is a good morning which I doubt !